Chasing Oprah down the road

Okay so we may have had a few beers at the time when we thought this idea up but sometimes the craziest ideas come from a night out or in with friends. You cannot tell me Biggest Loser was not originally conceptualized over a few beers, a few mates and a few wotifs?! I don’t actually know how it came about but you can picture bored producers trying to come up with the next big thing….”what if we got a heap of overweight people, locked them up, called them Losers….”

Anyway, suffice it to say the people who suggested this ARE highly reputable people in the industry…I won’t name names for fear of them denying they ever had anything to do with it hahaha but when I walk onstage and grab that Emmy from Kathy Griffin (just think of that scene from Zoolander when Derek thinks he has won the Slashy award….sorry Kathy it’s my turn next year!!!) and then they will be clamouring to say they were the ones who suggested it. Ha, no I can’t mention their names cause they work on other really big shows and technically speaking we are probably not supposed to be friends…….but I’ve never really been one to do as I’m told!

So, here is the plan…well I really should say “plan” in inverted commas, cause it is still not technically a plan. We have a map. Which is a start. And why do we have a map? Well, we are taking a road trip - from Los Angeles the city of Dreams all the way to Chicago to see Oprah - the purveyor of dreams.

Now the thing is the first goal is to get Oprah to notice me. Okay, interesting challenge. Something millions of people try to do every year. So do I just sit around and wait for her to notice me? Don’t think so.

Other avenue - go through the normal channels which is, well basically wait for her to notice me……….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sorry I do not want to be sixty and on my death bed when she puts me on her show for lives half lived.

No I have approached everything in life - head on. And with a little dose of humor too. So that is what I am going to do.

And so we are going to get a big shiny bus and travel to Oprah, collecting along the way, people who want to get on Oprah, people who believe I should be on Oprah and well, pretty much anyone else who wants to come along for the ride……Kathy Griffin, we have a seat with your name on it…you know you want it!!!!

And so here is the “plan”….haha I figure if I say “Plan” enough I will actually have one. Hey maybe I should get a Winnebago? That would be so cool. Yes that sounds like a plan man.

So far,that is the plan. I am still going to do all the normal bits one has to do to get on Oprah (go to book agent meetings, do whatever people do to wait to get on Oprah, hope, wait etc), send an email to her people….should I send one every day or one every week? Don’t want to annoy them……too much.

Don’t know when exactly the bus tour will happen, that depends on when we turn this into the next Kathy Griffin my Life on the D - List meets The Hollywood Apprentice show, but the wheels are turning, trust me. I’ve had three meetings this week with one more to go, all different tv channels interested enough to hear the pitch, one of them has to buy it….and if not, then don’t take no for an answer just keep knocking….

or we could steal a bus and just go for it…..wonder what happened to Borat’s campervan? Hmmm wonder if Isla is on Facebook…..

Imagine the towns we could visit (anyone got any suggestions?), imagine the people we would meet, and hey don’t think I’ve forgotten about Rosie and Kathy and Perez etc. There’s a lot of people I can talk to who might have that little gem of advice on how to grab the attention of the Holy O! Have bus will travel! Have camera will record it. And while I am in those towns I may just have a talk to a person or two about the real issues as well: honoring your body, learning to love your self, you know, the important stuff.

Think it’s gonna be a crazy trip and will end up with me and my brand new friends getting off the bus in Oprah’s carpark on a day of shooting. Will she let us in? Probably not. Will she notice the 200 hundred odd people I have collected along the way and all the others who join me there on the day? I think so! Will she come out and take the book from my hand and promise to read it? Yes I think she will.

And so, dear friends, I am off to get a ruler and a map (yeah well when I said I have one I meant I am going out to buy one now) and from here - anything can happen but for now getting my book in Oprah’s hand is my mission.

Come on Oprah - you know you want it!!!!!

x Ajay