People don’t eat in Hollywood!

I find this a ‘delicious’ irony given the rest of America and a huuuuuge portion of the Australian population are the most most obese people in the world. I bet this is probably the only place in the world that a child’s meal served in a restaurant is still too big for me to finish.

And yet, this town is filled with people so hungry for success they are literally starving for attention.

I always knew it was true, cause Tyra and Oprah, the champions of TRUTH have always said it was so but to see it in action is quite frightening.

I’ve been to quite a few meetings the last few weeks and most of them have been over meals…… and the strangest thing is, people don’t eat. Well, I should clarify that. I eat, the men eat and the women do one of two things - they eat and disappear to the toilet between every course or they pick at a few leaves of lettuce and declare themselves full after two mouthfulls.

Seriously, how weak can a woman’s bladder be particularly if they have not had kids? How many times in an hour do you need to pee? OMG my pelvic floor is not what it used to be but I don’t need to leave the table after every mouthful I take.

Brings up a lot of memories for me, haha pardon the pun, but having been there before, a long time ago and having beaten the debilitating eating disorder that nearly killed me it is like an old enemy/friend beckoning to me to come join them.

I remember what it was like to be both anorexic and then bulimic and it was a living hell, not to mention it very nearly killed me. And as far as I have come I still can’t help but be a little drawn to the concept of eating all the foods I love and not putting on weight. The tragedy is, that despite having lost an entire person off my body, in fact having lost more weight than I actually weigh now, it is mildly ironic that at a healthy 62 kilos and australian size 8-10 (after being a size 28), by Hollywood terms I am STILL hugely overweight.

But we ALL know it is not as simple as that! But you know what? God, dare I say it - but how about a “love me as I am or not at all!!!!!” I once nearly killed myself by eating myself to death. It would be stupid of me to conform to the TV ideal if I starved myself to death. So how about this: I am a beautiful, loving, passionate, articulate, intelligent human being who has learnt to love and honor herself no matter what size she is and be damned to anyone who says I am a lesser talent, or less bankable, just because I choose to LIVE and be ME! Cause to be honest, I would rather wait tables and live a life worth living versus dying to fit in…..

And of course I wouldn’t EVER go back there, and instead, despite the pressure, I steel myself to remain true to my healing and I simply “taste” the dessert and stick to mostly healthy choices but I do have a little envy for the women who eat enough for three then disappear four times during lunch to “go to the bathroom” and are two sizes smaller than me and getting more work than me.

But at what price? I know I have conquered an evil and debilitating eating disorder that nearly destroyed my life. In doing that I have fought to have a healthy relationship with food and myself and whilst I do not yet fully own that feeling I would never ever swap it for the utter self loathing and debilitating destruction of killing myself by making myself sick after every mouthful I take.

Instead I will rise up early tomorrow and go to the gym, I will stick to my toast and sushi and salads and soups, my fruit, protein and vegies and I will fight those crazy thoughts and be happy that I am strong, healthy, happy and whilst I might not be the next “big”/small thing in Hollywood, at least I am ME!

Shazam!

For more posts like this one, consider joining Ajay and her regular Healthy Body Club blogs and live chats at http://www.healthybodyclub.com.au