I once worked at McAwfuls. It was my first (and probably only) “real” job and I got paid the princely sum of $3.73 an hour! Woohoo! Oh and of course on top of that very generous wage I earned a certain amount of “chicken” nuggets per hour. If I did a six hour shift I could have 6 nuggets and one sauce. If I worked a nine hour shift I could have nine nuggets and two sauces. Wow! Now that was the life! Please sir, can I have some more?????

You wanna know what made me pursue, wholly and completely, an alternate life in entertainment? I got fired from my stupid “would you like a heart attack with that?” job for having the audacity to eat nine nuggets on a six hour shift - 3 more nuggets than I was entitled to! Hilarious!

But everything in life is a lesson - even the bad times bring us valuable lessons.

And I did learn one incredibly priceless (literally) lesson - that child slave labor is not as bad as it is made out to be. Underage workers and underpaid children CAN be put to good use. And as such, in the spirit or Ronnie McD, I have now created the Roland McOffal Memorial Award for the most pathetic use of a minor in the interests of personal gain and oh, wow, what a surprise, I, the ever so humble, shy and retiring Ajay Rochester, am in fact the winner of the inaugural award! Yay!!!! Me!!!!!

Yes, I’d like to thank, well, me and of course my son, and I can’t forget macaroni cheese, which is what I bribed him with to do these stupid clips just one day away from him going away to camp for a WHOLE month so I can actually spend my days chasing the elusive Oprah (ahhhhhhhhhhh chorus of angels sing) Winfrey!

Guilty as charged your honor, I did in fact enlist the services of my only child in a desperate attempt to get the attention of one Oprah Winfrey - champion of the little people. Do not let him suffer any more Oprah. Just look at this innocent little face, imploring you to change the life of his mother.

Kai chases Oprah

Oops, too much food coloring! I meant to show you this one:

I blame the rabies

Oprah: Save my child from further humiliations. Get me on your show! Call NOW!!!!!!!

Or the squirrel gets it!!!!