Kai and I at Triathlon Pink

For nearly a year now I have seen many disgusting and hurtful things written about me. A lot of it has not been nice, few articles have been true or even vaguely accurate and I have not had the luxury or a right of reply. Under contract I was silenced and sadly no-one saw fit to defend me. But now, I have the freedom to be me and at last I can defend myself. No doubt some version of this will wind up twisted and taken out of context and used as a tool to hurt me further but at least I know I have at last spoken from my heart.

I am not perfect – I am far from it. But I am not the person I’ve been portrayed as. I am a good person with a big heart who cares passionately about many issues. Long before my most recent job, I was champion of a cause very close to my heart. Having battled and nearly been beaten by obesity myself, I spent many years writing books and articles on the issue, giving talks and lectures sharing my story in the hope of inspiring others to believe in themselves and spent countless years working towards helping others do exactly that.

For six years I have been an ambassador for The Eating Disorders Foundation and have given a lot of time and energy in fund raising and helping educate and save the lives of young teens battling eating disorders. Bet you haven’t read that! Of course not!

For the last seven years every spare moment of my time and every spare cent I have had has gone into creating and running my weight loss support network healthybodyclub.com.au. I created this space so that women who were going through the same issues I had when trying to rebuild my life both physically and emotionally, had somewhere they could go to get love, support, acceptance and a good dose of hope and belief. I didn’t sell out to fancy sponsors or advertisers, I refused to accept money from companies I did not believe in and as such I have struggled to keep the place alive but I have, thanks to very devoted members who also believe in the dream.

When I took on “that” hosting job I hoped that it would help me reach more people and help save more lives but instead it simply put me in the firing line of viciousness, ridicule and hatred, many not even knowing I had been there and fought that fight myself. But you wouldn’t read about that!

Instead of taking on ads for weight loss pills, diet regimes, diet bars, shakes, and god knows what else I could have advertised, I have instead just believed that if I build a place with enough heart then it will attract the numbers needed to keep it running. I never ever wanted to sell out. I spent my nights online trying to guide others through their journey, my weekends travelling to states to help women find themselves and discover that they can do something they set their mind to and helping them learn to love themselves. All at financial loss to myself. Why? Because I remember how alone and frightened I was when I was killing myself with food and alcohol. And I don’t want any woman to feel that way about herself because we ALL deserve more. Helping people transform their life has always come well before the desire to make money. But you won’t read about that.

You’ll read about me “stealing coffee and teabags from my work place”. You want to know the TRUTH behind that? I was losing weight to raise money for Diabetes Australia – every kilo I lost was at least $1000 for them so I tried to lose as much as I could HEALTHILY and whilst doing a job that took me away from everything including my most important job of all – being a mother. To do so I had to take my own food to work because the food on set was not the food you can eat and lose weight. Lord knows I had struggled to keep the weight off in previous years so losing weight was a whole new struggle. I took my own plates and cutlery, my own snacks, soup, tins of tuna, bags of rice and because I like a certain type of tea and a certain type of fake sugar I always bought my own and took them to work. When we finished filming I took all my own stuff home. I also raised $20,000 for Diabetes Australia. But you won’t read about that.

The court case you saw in January 09 was not all you have read about. What you didn’t read is that I was the one who had approached Centrelink over 4 years ago, before Biggest Loser ever aired on TV and told them that, as I had slowly pieced my life back together after the tragic suicide of my mother, I discovered the possibility that I might have received payments over what I was supposed to. It happens to a lot of people or so I have been told by others in similar situations to me.

People make mistakes. I didn’t plan for my life to be such a mess that vital life elements got ignored. And for that I am sorry. I did the best I could at the time under strenuous and debilitating circumstances. But I have since turned my life around and now help others in the hope that they won’t make the same mistakes I did. I have worked so hard to put my life back together after depression nearly killed me numerous times. How much more do you want of me?

I have had my day in court and when the judge heard my extensive evidence I was NOT convicted. It was a very dark time in my life that I had taken every measure to put right as soon as I was well enough and capable of doing so. Read the transcripts of what the judge said in her summing up and you will see a lot you have never read. As I said I am not perfect but I am NOT a criminal despite what some people may say.

Recently it was also written that I threw something at someone. More lies that this person later admitted she had made up. The truth in that was that this woman had a public campaign going to have me sacked. I refused to be tanned by her. Fair call I reckon – didn’t want to host the finale looking radioactive. I’ve had enough bad tans in my life to know that once it’s on, you stay that way for a week. She left me a bag of free stuff in my dressing room and because I have ethics I didn’t want to take something from someone I didn’t want to have anything to do with. I put her free stuff back outside her tanning room. I didn’t say a single word to her, I threw nothing and I didn’t even see her the entire time she was there – I was busy rehearsing.

When accused of twittering about being papped - at last something that is true – I did this to let people know what these vultures do. Joel Christie from the Daily Telegraph stood outside my bedroom window yelling out to me and then stood on my doorstep for nearly two hours one day and traumatised my crying and terrified child, refusing to leave after repeatedly being told to do so, the police having to come and remove him. The police wanted me to charge him with trespass. They recommended I get a PVO out on him. But because I prefer peace I chose to do none of that. I’m not in the habit of ruining people’s lives. But you won’t read that.

And even more recently my son and I were being chased by a pap in a car, him running red lights and swerving through traffic to get to us, once again terrifying me and my child. I drove to the local police station to get rid of him. I twittered, not to boast, but so people could know what these revolting creatures do to make a buck. But you won’t read that.

I give myself to every charity that asks. I have spent years assisting The Make a Wish Foundation, years supporting Breast Cancer Network of Australia and the NBCF whenever they have asked me to do something for them, years devoting myself to Triathlon Pink. I walked the Great Wall of China to raise money to build a hospital for people trying to heal their lives ravaged by cancer. A lot of celebrities ask ridiculously insulting fees for hosting and even just appearing at charity events. I have not been paid for any of these. I do it because I am a charitable person and I believe in the power to heal this world and that if you do good things then good things come back to you. Good thing I have a lot of patience. But you won’t read that.

And now, when I am moving on to the next chapter of my life I have a new cause. Something that has become increasingly important to me and one that, I can now lend my time, energy, voice and passion to.
Nothing happens by accident and this is meant to be. This is the path I am meant to take now.

My son has Aspergers Syndrome – a form of autism. And as he gets older it affects his life in ways no mother wants to see. It is devastating and debilitating. I am half way through writing a book on it – in the hope that others may reach a diagnosis long before I did (Kai was nearly six) and in the hope also that the world will see these children for the beautiful beings they are and that we, as a society can create and foster an understanding and acceptance of their differences.

I might not be fronting a TV show right now but you know what? I will not be ashamed of that. What I am about to do feels more right than possibly anything I have done in my whole life. Sorry if I have picked myself up from the dramas of recent times, held my head high and found something wonderful to do. Sorry for not doing a Britney!

What value system thinks that what I am doing now is of less importance than hosting a rapid weight loss game show? Why should I be ashamed of what I am doing now? My new mission has been described as going “from bad to worse”. This opinion is based on a shallow valueless system of belief that puts fame over doing something certainly not as glamorous but definitely worthwhile and hopefully life changing nonetheless.

What is so wrong about continuing my work helping women with obesity, raising money for autism, writing and developing a program of autism awareness, acceptance and understanding for schools and writing a book on my experiences with autism that may well save parents from years of trauma in finding a diagnosis for their child. And hey, in amongst all of that we may even find a cure!

Have I really sunk to the depths of despair and humiliation? Or am I rising up and finding what it is I am meant to do with my life. Something that when I am said and done, I can be proud to leave behind as my mark in the world.

Sure I want to get on Oprah. What is wrong with that? Oprah has the very real and truly unique power of being able to inspire a large proportion of the world’s population to make a change for the better. She is an ambassador for transformation and she can help me send my message. Oprah, whether you like her or hate her, she IS a world leader. She has inspired me more times than anyone else. I have learnt so much from her and my son even has her to thank for his life (but that’s a story for another time).

Of course I want to spend time in her presence. The amount of people you can reach with your message by spending just ten minutes in her company is in the millions. And that truly can make the world a better place. Why wouldn’t you want to be near her even just for a short time?

My message is one of hope. My message is one of healing. My message is one in learning to love yourself and the belief that even if you think life is not worth living then you are wrong! There is nothing so bad that you can’t put right - somehow. I have been to the edge and back quite a few times in my life. And the hardest, darkest, scariest times are when we learn the most. Boy am I learning a lot right now! I am doing my Phd in surviving and thriving in the darkness.

And maybe I’m going about it in a way that is a little different. But you know what? Who says I can’t have a little fun and a few laughs along the way. I’ve had enough sadness and tragedy in my life to last me many lifetimes. And so to all the people who continue to write the vicious and fictitious hurtful, hateful, spiteful, twisted stories about me - know this: you cannot crush me. I have had more happen to me in my lifetime than anyone can imagine. Things I have never spoken about. Things that would keep grown men awake at night. You don’t know me or what I have survived. And my actions will EVENTUALLY speak louder than your words.

MY path is firmly fixed on making the world a better place and yes I might make a few mistakes along the way but I am human!!! Forgive me! Whether or not you like the way I go about it then sorry, but I am who I am – perfect in my imperfections with a big heart, a generous and loving soul, a human and fragile ego with a willingness to take risks, make mistakes, learn from them, grow and share so that others may lead lives a little easier than mine has been.

But you won’t read any of that either because sadly too many people are more interested in the salacious twisted gossip because whilst it might not be true it is probably much more titillating to read and that is very sad.

See you on Oprah!